Big Buddha Day

Photo MTS
Reluctantly, I have to refrain from drinking as well as my aforementioned smoking habit for 3 months. It's gonna be tough, but I'll buy a guitar and learn some new songs. Photo by "A #1 Psychic Berkely, MI.
I spoke with Allen Ginsburg many moons ago, and when asked if he could be anything, at anytime on history, what would he be.? He didn't beat a moment longer and said "James Dean...without a driver's license. Keep an eye on the moon. God bless America.

What's going on? Number 1

Before you read what I write please take a time-out to watch my All-time R&B favorite Marvin Gaye. As an aside, Lem Barney and Mel Farr "Superstar" sung backup on the original of" What's going on. Brother?" Both were rookies of the year in '67(Lions! Yes, you've done it and can do it again.) The only sportperson's autograph I ever got was Lem's.


So my brother Gary Gary bo bary banana fana fo fary mee mi mo mary Gary is getting married today to a wonderful Vietnamese woman, spent the last two Christmases with them so I should know what a lucky guy the off-broadway New York cabbie's last fare is. I'm feeling a bit outta sort. Had a minor fall (stitches) no sympathy needed save it for Ryan O'Neil. Farrah? May I call you Farrah? You're girl-next-door mystic image that deflowered many a virgin man created many stains and I hope that you live for eternity.Bless you R.I.P.

So as I was saying I staggered to Ton Son Nhat Airport to catch the New Year's flight to Danang. Get to the booth, booked online with Jetstar (in-country it's either Jetsar, VNair or two others for people that have money, and was greeted with "Hi,Mark. Going to Danang?" Not really into conspiracy theories but I go with it. I wait in the lounge and since I was in VN for too long,I started smoking, a habit that continues to plague my existence. Wait. Board the plane seated in-between incessant Vn men acting like nervous Nelly on a bad day.

As soon as we hit Danang the plane hit a full-force gale. I smiled. Landed. Most people head to Hoi an but no the motorbike driver was waiting and with his poncho we headed to Tran Phu street. Went to my old apartment building and the hotel in front said they were full and placed a call to to the massage hotel a few door s down. Signed up to the one-eyed man (every hotel is $10-15 or more on that street as per it all depends on the ?"

So my father (80) crashes his 1920's kit car the other day after blacking out. I'm like thinking this is part of the of Adder series until he starts pissing blood and have to rally the troops. Frickin' frickin' frickin'.

So download my things unto the concrete encasement of a 50's block falling fainting bleak deary room and saunter over to the outback patio. I'm thinking in the cold rain and unyielding wind that if I have daughter her name will be Caledonia because it's been twenty years and and I think about her everyday. Madness.

I see Trung. We embrace as old friends do and sit. Simultaneously. mama and papa get into a bit of a rift about some lost receipts according to my pidgin Vn and then clarified by my friend. At first I thought the former VC was on my ass about a $ of returnables. Like many couples in Danang t hey fought or rather forced to fight on opposing sides and came back into life. Don't get me wrong when I lived in the hood she was very very kind to me. Trung asks me if a need a girl? I say I don't know I'm headed to Yim's place. The phone ring's and it's Gary, drunk off his ass , and he says "Are you gay? No, really it's okay." I look at the rain, then at Trung, and start mumbling something about a girl in the Philippines. We head to lunch before the bottles start flying.

Whos's the poet in the sidebar---Oh yeah Maddox----" she covers the city like a ..."

Brother. The biggest luck ever. You two deserve it. Blood. Mark "a coupla days" Simich

"I go out walking after midnight Out in the moonlight just like we used to do I'm always walking after midnight searching for you..." Patsy Cline

Pali Incantation

So as part of my layover (temporary or permanent) I've affixed myself with a new tattoo, quite scabby now. Hopefully, this will encourage young people all over America to do the same. God knows we need a bit of energy flowing through the styimied system that keeps people out of jobs and into the cold darkened streets of destitution.

Oh--- and feel free to donate just like J.W did simply cause it feels good to give to someone who will give back the American-way; the right way. See I told you I'd write more.

Upcoming news: If you're not too busy stringing a rope around your penis and neck ala Carradine (WTF), I'll write a long post entitled "Three New Year, 2 Countries and nit noi fun"

Moving to a dot-com so cheap charlies get it while it's hot and free. Oh and hug your fat husband or wife for me. I refer back to the obesity explanation of course no offense meant.

Unpacking!

I've been busy traveling a bit and have finally started my New Year with a new job in Northern Thailand.

I came across this photo yesterday when it dropped out of one of the few remaining books I still carry around. It was taken when I had to do a visa run into Laos about six years ago and crossed over into the capital Vientiane.

I told the driver of a beater taxi with the noxious carbon monoxide cloud, both outside and inside the vehicle, to take me to the center of town. And that he did. Above is the roundabout that is the center of town.

As comical twists turns in life go, I'm currently on an extended hiatus from life in Sin City- voted no#1 in the world for this dubious yet well-founded award. Living in Bien Hoa (Catholic enclave of Vietnam) did it in for me. God save our souls from loud propped speakers that linger for decades. The newest Mot should be knocking on my door shortly. Simply God-smacked at how fast this part of Pattaya has grown.

Since you're here do me a favor and at least click on an Adsense ad as well as feel free to make a donation so I can buy a computer and then, well, I just might post A LOT MORE OFTEN.

#2

"All should leave Geneva. Saturn turns from gold to iron." Nostradamus

Obesity in Children Explained

Gotta love this quote:
"Coon or rabbit. God put them there to eat. When men get hold of animals he blows them up and then he blows up. Fill 'em so full of chemicals and steroids it ruins the people. It makes them sick. Like the pigs on the farm. They's 3 months old and weighing 400 pounds. They's all blowed up. And the chil'ren who eat it, they's all blowed up. Don't make no sense."---Glemie Dean Beasley, a Detroit raccoon hunter and meat salesman.

Seems completely logical to me.
n hunter

Sunset in Danang

It's starting to get hot, really March hot here outside of HCMC. Back in January I made it back to Danang for a few days, but it was cold and rainy every day. This sunset from the past reminds me that there's definitely moderate end-of-the-day weather to be had in Vietnam.

Ben Tre Peace Doves

- photo by Freek Drent

"It became necessary to destroy the town to save it."- unnamed U.S. Air Force Major

Phan Thiet-Backlogged

I woke up at 5am and headed to Ga Sai Gon (Saigon Train Station) . I couldn't take a Xe Om because even in the soberist offffffffffffff states these wistful warriors were even more troublesome ala "Who brought the compass?" in the early dim. I ended up on bus 65 filled with its weird and comical characters, myself included, getting throbbed by a bamboo-stick. It wasn't eactly my way the hits parade purported itself as being, but then again it was early morning.
3,000VND "Anh, xuống!" I exited the bus and walked to the station about .5km away.

I did the walk to the platform (one of three). I'd purchased my ticket beforehand at the the train ticket station on Pham Nhu Lao (76,000 VND) so it was pretty straightforward AS ONE WOULD ASSUME! None-the-less I found my my seat; which was luckily enough next to a young woman who appreciated both the value of the English language and Red Bull. We ended up having a wholesome coversation to say the least.

Train Trip

I watched as the the dry forest rolled by. Then you get to thinking. That's why I love trains. Did I do that? Did I make the the right decision? All the while confused as you look at the menu and you realize that you can have a beer for 10,000VND as well as as a well meal for $1 in the dining-car.And as you're being a complete nitwit the Dargon fruit groves come into view.

The cactus-like tree groves go on and on. Gotta imagine the black snakes slithering through them . Of course, that's only brought only by dreams.
Ahhhh Dragon Fruit shakes at a McDonalds in the U.S. complete with a plastic Dragon Fruit action hero would have the kiddies fighting in line. But I digress...
So I'm supposed to meet with a vN cHICK(Ms. Lei). wHY hell else would I go to PT?

Keeping it short and sweet- Ms. Lei came down with a sudden illness (family) and couldn't see me. I stayed at Nhat Linh 337 Le Loi St, Phan -Thiet. A similar guesthouse, Hoang Kim, is directly across street. They're quite nice and reasonable priced. Travelfish is accurate 180,000 (nice room-a/c, frig., cable, hot water), Good luck getting food though. There's Little Saigon and a couple of seafood restuarants but that's about it. The hotel doesn't serve any as well as the numerous cafes that line the unimpressive beach so your best bet is to head up to the Co-op by moto or bicycle. Although, I did like the cafe "Tin Tin in Vietnam" because their staff were very friendly, the town's pretty flat. After visiting the previously mentioned Co-op, I found a wonderful hot-rock massage place north at 123 Tran Hung Dao---aw the simple pleasures in life.
Attractions in town? Oh-wowee they even have boat races on the river during Tet. Sometimes they (the canoes) sink, but they're troopers even if the tops of caps are the only things visible. And the girls still call-out by the old base as the curious foreigner walks on by.
AND-the topper of this odd segway had to have been when I visited the smallish central market by the bridges. An old "leaning Tower of Pisa" woman jutted out her hand at me just as she was passing-by. It seemed as though an after-thought on her part. But still the was a brief flocker of rembrance as she looked straight up at me with a not-so-unique smile. THE MASCARA and lip-sticked smeared vision was none other than that of the Joker. I knew then it was time to get outta Dodge so I left for Nha Trang the following day.

See the man with his violin elbowing for greater placement?

Even though he's different, he's so sane in his most peculiar way.

Downtown? Spare change? Where else did you expect him to be?

Attack of the Green Beetle

I’ve been watching the beginning of the eighth season of American Idol and, as an unabashed fan, I felt like writing something.

And so it began as I was riding the #4---kinda like tomorrow Friday the 13th when all is weird with the world. Pulled up on a xe om to the bus station and boarded the dreaded bus. I'd waited for the second the bus, under the cowering burn of the day, because the first one had no seats, and this one was void. A young girl in her ao yai that should’ve been/be in the next frickin richin' commercial boarded at the first stop on Pasteur. Gotta love those winning smiles fit for a smile. Why? Next a handful of young guys boarded wearing their utility-government uniforms. Thanks be to God because most young guys are sleepers and leg-spreaders and won't give up their seats to a wee lil' ole lady. And then low and behold, a blind man gets handed onto the bus. With one eye closed and the other spun up into his skull, the ticket-taker, with motherly-love, guided him to a vacant seat. The thing about him was that he was carrying an expensive bag holding a pricey mobile. Who'd have the guts to steal from a blind man was the? Elderly pick-ups were dropped at the hospital. Continuing on a light drizzle began to fall and as fate would have it the driver played a rather interesting Westernized song list with “The Man Who Fell to Earth"; being the most absurd. It could’ve been Portland rain for all that mattered. Taking it in, I laughed inside because it's quite comical at least for me. Maintaining a wonderful Crest commercial pose ao yai girl exited and a diminutive elderly slung her way on to the bus with her wares which in my opinion were too heavy for her. Closer to my stop, I paused a moment to get up and make my way to the front exit because the rear exit was discombobulated. And as I sat there at the window cruising at light-speed (the bus, not me, being at light-speed which in layman’s terms is no traffic) a green beetle flew in and landed on my arm. Startled! I yelped and the guy next to me was taken aback as well. How often does an emerald beetle the size of your palm land on your forearm? I shook it off and made me way to the exit. The old woman made her beeline as well. All the while she rattled on in rapid-fire Vietnamese almost as though she was trying to help me. Me? And so we exited on our Cong Hoa stop with me picking up the rear and another gentleman holding the rear. The way the woman, who’d seen everything, the French, the Americans, and most of all the civil war, gripped my hand was nothing more than mind-altering. Oh yeah, no-one followed the blind man off the bus.

Next stop Phan Thiet…

Siesta at the Chopshop

- photo by Freek Drent

Here's one way to enjoy an afternoon nap in HCMC. Personally, I can think of other places for a siesta.

THE IDIOTIC MUSE OF MISFORTUNE SITS SOLEMNLY, YET SOBER.
PONDERING FOREVER AN IDYLIC MOMENT WHEN ALL WAS WELL WITH
THE WORLD.
AND THEN CONFRONTING THE REALIZATION, THAT, THIS IN FACT,
HAD NEVER...HAD NEVER HAPPENED.

WONDEROUS MAGICAL INTERLUDES AS NAKED NUDITY THRUST SKYWARD
TO THE GLEEFUL SMILE OF A CHRISTMAS DAY FONTIERSMAN.
FOREVER GAZING INTO BEWILDERED EYES CARVED INTO THE SHAPE OF WAXING CRESCENT MOONS.
THUS AVOIDING ANY DARKENED AVENUES

Boxhead in Vietnam #3

Merry Christmas Jesus Freaks!

Santa hats abounded or at least they did as they putting the finishing touches on miniature Santa outfits at the shop down on Asphalt street. I assumed that they'd be used in either some sort of primary school event, a dwarf toss or a new Spike Lee film. For Vietnamese, Christmas Eve is the big deal as per the line-up (ha ha "line?" in Vietnam ha ha ha, ahem I mean Ho! Ho! Ho!) I'd witnessed earlier in the day for fresh bread and roasted chicken at the Big C. Everyine was feeling jolly as evidenced by Ms. Le's Xmas Pose in front of the ugly church as Grahmn Greene called it.

Christmas Eve at 85 degrees didn't really seem like, well, very snowy. Then again, I'm "white" so I guess I'm having a white Christmas and as a friend sms'ed me "Better than digging yr ass out of snow!" True. Spent the night having dinner with a friend, his wife and some of their family and took in the incredible Vietnam-Thailand match. After Vietnam won a well-played game I rode homeward via xe om and, as I did, became part of throng waving the national flag and banging on their pots and pans. Quite a hoot! The next match is in Hanoi and me thinks the odds are in Vietnam's favor. Stopped in for a nightcap with another family and then headed into the snowy night. Merry Christmas Jesus freaks!

An Afternoon on Asphalt Street

I slept-in because I didn’t have to work. Cuckoo chimes and on goes the boob-tube to Air Guitar Nation, a documentary film about the 2003 US and World Air Guitar competitions. I watched as I washed my clothes in a tub and thought that air guitar would be an excellent TPR (Total Physical Response) lesson for an EFL class (more on that later). Get dressed and head downstairs to pay the rent. I wave my ATM card at Ms. Happy English learner, head across the street to withdraw some notes and hand her what’s due. However, one of the 500,000 dong notes has a half-square i.e. “]” taken out of one side. She’s so young and cute as she holds it. I grimace because in Vietnam any non-pristine bill 10,000 or over can be easily rejected. Though these notes are printed in Australia, they’re not particularly hardy. She smiles and proceeds to take out a pair of scissors to cut off the damaged wing. Before she does, I yelp “No, don’t do that.” She shrugs, smiles again and puts it into the drawer. I head outside to the café and order a Càphê đã. The Càphê đã (iced coffee) is too strong for my stomach so I dilute it with a bit of water and have a smoke while watching the steady stream of traffic whisk by on Cong Hòa Street. On Monday and Tuesday mornings you can usually see plenty of tourist buses heading into town from Cambodia and vice-versa, but it's just before noon and the lunch- hour people are rushing about on their motorbikes. I pay 8,000 dong for the drink and head down the asphalt to the corner pharmacy to get an ointment for a slight rash on my neck and some iron tablets, because sometimes the heat makes you feel as though you’re anemic.

***

I’ve been in this neighborhood for about a month now and I’m no longer cause-celeb. Luckily, for me the pharmacist understands my request and places a multi-vitamin packet and a tube of Flucinar -for the rash-, on the counter for 61,000 VND. I pay and meander over to the Internet Café to check out the latest on the Net. “Hai Chin”, the man says. I sit down at number 29 next to the cigarette smoking teenager and double-click. Surf…ing…Oh dear me, the Detroit Lions have lost their 15^th to the Saints. Ironically enough if they win their last game, they’ll tie the Saints’ 1980 record (1-15) as the losingest team in a season. Or they’ll achieve the dubious honor of being THE LOSINGEST NFL TEAM IN HISTORY at 0-16. All I want for Christmas is new ownership for the Lions. I’m itchy. I take out my tube of ointment and apply some. Flucinar has a Warning! on a medical website: “ Do not use the medication in larger amounts or for longer than recommended. Topical steroid medicine can be absorbed through the skin, which may cause steroid side effects throughout the body.” Mmm…Hey maybe I can go back for another round of lucid dreaming and wake up a bodybuilder. But, then again, I’d watched another documentary “I Love English” on the Discovery channel the other night and had a dream that I was teaching a thousand students without a microphone and the chalk kept getting wet and wouldn’t work on a whiteboard? because it was raining in the outdoor auditorium. Nonsensical??? Time for the couch or to lay off the mixed-meat package they sell at the Co-op. Anyhow, yesterday night Vietnam beat Singapore in footie to reach the finals in theAFF Suzuki Cup 2008 and needless-to-say the locals were glued to their TV sets in all the coffeeshops, shophouses and garment shops that line the street. It’s quite interesting to see people so adept with sew-machines that can excitedly watch a match whilst simultaneously stitch away. The net’s filled with doom and gloom. At least I learned from watching the BBC Nobel roundtable the other day, that if you shake a jellyfish really fast, you can make them glow. It’s true! A Nobel prize-winning scientist said so! Krugman said something as well, but his sips of water were a bit distracting. Quite angst, I pull away from my halo of secondhand smoke and head to lunch.

***

Lunch is back down the asphalt to a small restaurant, I order Bo Xao Thap Cam (a stir-fry veggie and beef with rice dish). The waitress lingers over my shoulder. She sits and we share a laugh. I order a 333 bia and wrap my mitt around a cold can of full-bodied 333 (ba ba ba in Vietnamese): 330ml can, 5.3% alcohol in VN, ingredients are H2O, malt, rice, and houblon (hops) and runs about 10-19,000 VND depending upon the venue. Finish the delicious meal, pay 33,000 dong for it, and the three new Vietnamese words I learned, and head over to the Stonehouse (a sidewalk café I dubbed the “Stonehouse” because of its façade and well big...Big like a fortress. I have another 333 with da and watch Lan as he plays Chinese checkers. He stops and talks about the betting prospects on the Vietnam-Thailand finals. I smoke a Jet cigarette as I listen to him and the real jets take-off from Tan Son Nhat Airport behind us. The ever-so-kind grandmother hands me another can of 333 with another glass of ice. I melt away. 15 minutes later, I’m back home at watching another documentary on the Discovery. This one’s Long Journey Short Reunion it’s as the docu puts it “is a story of South Korean families who will go to incredible extremes to meet each other. Desperate to see their long lost relatives, they attempt a dangerous pilgrimage to the border between North Korea and China where they have just one chance to make contact with their loved ones.” It’s quite sad. I lived in Seoul for 3 ½ years, so it keeps getting sadder. I put on my sneakers and head back to the Stonehouse because it’s Christmas-time and I don’t feel like waiting for the superlative of sad to end my afternoon.

Boxhead in Vietnam #2

Take a gander at Korean-American David S. Jung AKA C-Diddy winner of the 2003 Air Guitar World Championships. Pretty awesome reflexology if you ask me.

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Boxhead in Vietnam: #1